Nothing to report

It’s been a week since I blogged and a week since last ‘weigh-in’.
And what an uneventful week it has been on the 12WBT side of things
(for me, anyway).

Clearly there have been plenty of events on the world-wide side of things
and none too pretty, I must say.
I think we all know what I am talking about.
Everyone is talking about it and I’m not going to, suffice to say I haven’t been much in the mood for joking around on my blog and talking about myself and my oh-so-important (not) weight loss/gain dramas.
There seems to be a ‘real’ world out there and it intrudes upon my peaceful, kinda self absorbed existence every now and then.

I’m sorry world, for all your sadness and suffering and terrible-ness,
for all the bad things and evil and demented killers and tears and broken hearts.

We are blessed to live where we do in this world.
Blessed beyond imagination.
We are free on every level that we allow ourselves to be and there are not many people in this world that can live like that!

So this week I have struggled to write a blog post that I feel comfortable with,
because I don’t want to just say nothing and act like nothing has happened.

But life does go on, doesn’t it?
After all the tragedies all over the world, life goes on.
All we can do is try to learn and grow more grateful and become better people because of the suffering we see others go through.
And some of us can offer prayers or money or physical help or some kind of other support via the internet.
And try not to forget, ever, that there are people everywhere who have had their lives torn apart through no fault of their own and honour them by being humble and loving towards each other every single time we have the opportunity.

So, here we are, Week Five of the 12WBT Odyssey, less than a week away from Christmas and time to weigh in.
I gave up today, trying to weigh myself.
There doesn’t seem to be a flat place on the bathroom floor.
I got about five different readings in there and then in the loungeroom, received the number I was after.
Therefore, I am declaring a 200g weight loss this week.

I am fed up with hovering around the same weight.
But I haven’t really done much to warrant major success.

This week:

Ferrero Rochers x probably 8 = 584 calories (husband’s fault)

Lawley’s Bakery x 1 giant ‘slice’ apple crumble cake = 1 tonne of calories
(but husband showed me a way to eat this one guilt-free – see image – he’s so thoughtful like that)
(husband’s fault)

Look Mum, I left my crust!

Look Mum, I left my crust!

 Victoria Cafe x 1 takeaway Indonesian food = 1 mini-van of calories
(ummmm, my ‘suggestion’)

Kind friend x 1 chocolate drop oatmeal cookie = somewhere I read 113 calories, however I believe this to be incorrect,
especially when combined with other traditional Canadian Christmas cookies!)
(Christmas’ fault) 

Sara Lee x 1 individual Lemon Meringue Pie = let’s just say over 300 calories
(me again)

Wine, wine, champagne and more wine = lost count of calories.
(partly my fault, but I will not take full responsibility)

So, as of yesterday, the full-cream milk lattes have gotta go (in order to free up a couple of calories).
(Except for a treat on Saturday).
Now I take it black (like my men).

Strictly speaking that’s not true, but I had to use that line once in my life!
🙂

Here I will leave you with a Chinese proverb:
Do not fear going forward slowly; fear only to stand still..

All the love in the world,
M
x

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I did run..

Update on stats first and then a little story.

Yes, I did lose weight!
I did not check all week because I wanted today to be a surprise
(and that checking everyday thing does you emotional damage).
In my early morning fog, I read my weight and was kind of pleased.
I thought I had lost 500g.
“Hmmm,” I thought, “at least I lost what I put on last week.”

“Better get on with the breathless flailing about on the lounge room floor.
Look how beneficial it has been…..”

Later, when I sat with husband, eating our 300 calories, I realised I had actually lost 800g!
WOW!
I was so happy.

I also measured up and have lost 5.5cm of myself!
Well, most of that was off my thighs and about a centimetre off my boobs.
Waist, hips and bum did not get a look-in this time.
(I’m not painting a very pretty picture here, am I?)
And arms have grown, but honestly, that is the little bulging biceps that I have now
(I think they’re called ‘guns’?)
🙂

So, yes, this week I am quietly pleased with the achievement.
And extremely pleased for everyone else who is pleased with their achievements!

I have noticed on my drives to and from work that there seems to be so many more people out exercising.
Is it just since I have started the 12WBT or am I only noticing it now because of the 12WBT?

Anyway, this morning I saw a girl running up a side street and suddenly one of
my childhood memories came flooding back.

My Dad had been a runner when he was young.
He carried the Olympic torch in 1956 (and in 2000), so you see, he knows running.

dad

When I was about 10 or 11 years old I was a runner too.
I had been winning races (and coming second) since I was six!
But I was useless at any distance beyond 100 meters.

Dad used to coach me up at the school oval.
In truth, I was scared of my Dad.
I loved him beyond love, but I was scared of upsetting him and I always wanted to please him.
I was ‘his’ little runner.
I knew he loved me and I wanted him always to be proud of me.

Then one day in the annual school carnival something happened.
I was competing in the 400 metres.
Dad had been training me.
He told me what to do; how to run and keep going and win.
I had practiced with him.
I just loved being with him, all by myself, without my three sisters to compete with,
and I listened to him and trusted him to teach me what I needed to know to win.
It was technical stuff for a 10 year old, but I took it all in.

On the day of the race I remembered.
The thing I remember most now is how I kept going.
I didn’t feel tired.
I felt like I could run forever.
I heard his voice telling me “when you run into the wind, shorten your steps”
and I did that.
And I was powerful and my steps never faltered and the wind rushed past me and I was in front.
It felt like I was not in a race any more.
It was just me and the wind and my Dad’s voice.
And I won…

me

Today I remembered it all so vividly, tears welled up in my eyes.
They were tears for that little girl who was so eager to please, that little girl who must still linger somewhere in my soul,
that little girl who did run, but who doesn’t any more.
I saw a glimmer of a place I could go to, but I also saw the place that I am at now.

I realised I don’t have to please anyone, but that I do anyway.
I am blessed with the most loving husband in the world and my Mum and Dad are still with us,
so there is no need for tears when I remember the past we all had together.
We have the present and a beautiful bond now.
We have all grown and continue to grow.
And one day I might run again and I might not, but either way, I did run and I will never forget that race.

All the love in the world,
M
x

Still going strong(ish)

The weekend came and went.
Wow! Superfast, as always.

Now I am trying to think back to Friday night at least, to update.
Husband had his work Christmas party.
I remember that much.
Oh yes, now I remember.

Mum rang on Friday afternoon to let me know my sis has bought me a couple of little things on her trip to Melbourne.
They were waiting for me at Mum’s.
She hinted that there was something edible and I just knew I was in trouble.

Anway, long story short.


Could have been worse, right?
Right???

I didn’t eat them all;
maybe about five and husband gladly gobbled up the rest.

Accompanied by:


Then I went home and ate lots of left over meat from our BBQ on Tuesday.
Yum!!
And waited for husband to return and drank some bubbles with him.

But, honestly, this is an improvement on my pre-12WBT Odyssey gluttony!

On Saturday I was good.
🙂

I did my beginners bootcamp workout.

We ate wraps with a little bit of low-fat ham, fried egg (wiped oil out of the pan first)
a handful of greenery and just a trace of kewpie mayo.
I did indulge in a full-cream milk latte
(which I have already advised, will not give up unless absolutely necessary!)

For lunch we ate corn thins, with egg, carrot, cucumber and a hint of peanut butter.

Dinner was a small serving of chicken breast marinated in lemon juice with rosemary,
accompanied by asparagus and grape tomatoes all on the BBQ.

And there, I’m done.
Oh there was one corner of this.

chili
It was my husband’s Saturday night ‘treat’
He is a feind for chocolate.
I’m not.
But, yes I still joined him with one small square, just like the one in the picture.

Again, this is an improvement on my pre-12WBT Odyssey performance!

Which brings us to Sunday.
The day started well, with museli.

From there, it probably could be classed as going downhill.
But in the nicest possible way.

We decided to make a quick trip to the Swan Valley to pick up some wine
(for Christmas!)
Mission accomplished, our minds (well, my mind) turned to lunch.

“I really feel like grilled fish and scallops”,
I ridiculously blurt out.
“Why don’t we go to the Rose & Crown?”
All the while knowing I have fresh fish at home that I could cook up, if I truly was that desperate for grilled fish.
No..
I just wanted to eat out and tried to kid myself that I was going to do it Mish’s way.
Husband, of course, was a willing participant in whatever delights were on offer.

Anyway, long story short:

lunch

lunch1
lunch4
lunch2
Guess what?
I chose the fish!!
(not the pork belly that I so, so, so, so wanted).

And that, people, is an improvement on my pre-12WBT Odyssey sinfulness!

And that was our weekend.

Monday!
Back in the lounge room.
I don’t feel up to the ‘breathless flailing about’ today
so I take  the easy way out with beginners bootcamp.

Again, this is an improvement on my pre-12WBT Odyssey slothfulness!

And I am back to my nutrition plan.
I can’t believe how pathetic I am.
I really, really want to do well at this, but I just can’t get obsessed (or even anywhere near it).

I do begin to think there is something wrong with me,
but then I remember that the whole deal for me was to improve.

So, let me see if I can come up with 10 improvements that I should be at least a little bit pleased with myself about?

1. I drink at least 3 litres of water per day
2. I get up half an hour earlier and exercise
(even though at this stage it is only really ‘breathless flailing about’ on the lounge room floor)
(surely it must burn SOME calories)
3. I pay attention to what I eat and make an effort to stick to roughly 1200 per day
(on days that I can)
4. I know what a red flag day is (I have conquered one).
5. I have lost 1.5kg
6. I am saying ‘NO’ to chocolate & unhealthy snacks 98% of the time.
7. I am no longer going home and bingeing on whatever I can find.
8. I have entered the ‘Weekly Surprise’ every week so far.
9. I can do three sets of Mish’s double crunches.
10. I am well on my way to doing three sets of Mish’s tricep dips.

Phew!

All the love in the world.
M
x

blog
Just about sums it up for me today.

So far it has been a much better day than yesterday.

I was good; jumped out of bed without even thinking about it and
completed my ‘breathless flailing about’ on the lounge room floor.
I really think I am improving.
🙂

This afternoon – a sudden RED FLAG!
Christmas goodies arrived from a supplier.
The most delightful box filled with:
Choc shortbread buttons
Morocan spice nuts
Toffee apples (slices of dried apple with toffee ‘drizzles’)
Che buono
Jam drops
Piccolini bambini
(If you would like to torture yourself , please click on the image)
Sweeten Me UpI went straight for the nuts, checked the calorie count and prompty returned them unopened to the box.

The only thing remotely OK was the toffee apples.
176 cal / 100g
The whole bag only weighed 80g, so in reality I could have eaten the lot for a snack.
I had two small slices, got a rubber band, sealed up the bag and returned it to the box.

Phew!
RED FLAG# 1
averted!

RED FLAG# 2
coming up tonight.

Another birthday – Schnitzel night!
My sis-in-law has joked she will make sure there is plenty of salad for me.
She is so thoughtful like that.

Wish me luck, please…..
(I feel stupid asking because I already know I will drink my calorie allowance,
eat some more calories, ignore the salad and get to bed late)
Actually, pray for me, please….

I’m in a much more positive place today and want to be there tomorrow as well.

I have promised myself I will stay away from the scales until next Wednesday’s weigh in
and I’m excited for our first ‘measure up’ because I just know I’ve shrunk something, somewhere,

In the meantime I will press on.
I will not compare myself to others and I will not even compare myself to myself!
I will JFDI!

All the love in the world
M
x

Uninspired?

Today has been a bit of a funny one.

First of all ‘weigh in’.
I knew I wasn’t going to be happy.
And I wasn’t.
I weighed in 500g over last week’s figure.
I moved the scales to another part of the floor and was even heavier.
I moved them back and decided to be happy with the original weight.

Then I went back to bed.
That’s right, I am such a sook, I decided not to bother exercising (first time since I stated 12WBT)
I thought an extra half hour of sleep would be kinder to my deflated self than half an hour of
‘breathless flailing about’ on the lounge room floor.

I have reaped what I sowed and have no one to blame other than myself.

And what have I done all day?

Well apart from my office job, I have read blogs.

I’ve read blogs from women who are awesome.
Not only for their inspiring weight loss, but for their inspiring honesty.
I was in tears for much of it.
I don’t know why, but I felt so emotional about some of them.
These girls (and the ocassional boy) were brave.
They faced their demons and they stomped on them.
They struggled mightily, on a daily basis.
All of them suffered but pushed through anyway and then they shared their pain in the most disarmingly honest way.

I don’t know if I feel inspired by what I read.
I guess I feel humbled (and convicted).
I felt inspired for them; for where they have come from and where they are going.
I wanted to cheer for them all, LOUDLY!

But me, I feel quite ridiculous and somehow fraudulent.

I am not ‘overweight’ in the true sense of the word.
My BMI has never exceeded the normal range.
I am unfit and there is excess squishy-ness.
I need to tone up and I could do with losing 5kg.

But now I am thinking more along the lines of 5-10kg.
Considering I did weigh 55kg for many years and have been as low as 44kg
(when I thought I was dying from a broken heart),
I think aiming for 58kg is being slack now.
I want to lose more.

My head has been messed with today.
I realise I never give my ‘all’ to anything really.
What am I afraid of?

Well, I guess I’m afraid of what/who I will be if I change.
I already like who I am (I think).
Sure there are physical things that I would like to be better.
I don’t want to ‘squish’ into clothes.
I want them to glide over my thighs and stomach.
I don’t want to feel like I am being cut in half by a pair of jeans.

But now I feel like my goals are so meager and kind of selfish.
I begin to wonder if the calorie counting and early morning ‘breathless flailing about’ on the lounge room floor
is going to achieve anything.
I think my brain needs to be transformed more than anything.

I have to talk myself back into it.
I need to remember the reasons I wanted to do this in the first place.
I have also come to realise that even though I’m not carrying 50 or 60kg or even 20kg in excess baggage,
there is baggage and it’s in my head.

I also know that losing weight and toning up isn’t going to change the way I think about myself.

Is this 12WBT Odyssey going to do something miraculous to my brain and my body?

Here is where my struggle begins.
Today is where I realised that there are hard-working, sincere, gorgeous women (and men) really making a go of all this;
really, truly turning their old selves on their heads and striving to be new, better, happier people.
And I’m not one of them…
Yes, they certainly do inspire me,
but where to start?

Today I feel like I don’t need a nutrition plan, I don’t need a gym or PT.

I need a bloody psychiatrist!

Blogs I read today:
http://www.fatcloset.blogspot.com.au/ (laughed and cried)
http://leitchy.blogspot.com.au/ (a genuinely good guy)
http://anthea427.blogspot.com.au/ (bawled my eyes out)
http://www.shehascuterunners.com/ (full of admiration for this lady)
http://myadventureswithmish.blogspot.com.au/ (admire her too)
http://sporadicbuckets.wordpress.com/ (an inspiring young girl)

All the love in the world,
M
x

Forging ahead

We’re well into the third week of  the famous
12WBT Odyssey
and I am still going strong.

If I were ever to be proud of myself, I guess now would be a good time.

Could the lead up to Christmas be any speedier though?
Doing the 12WBT seems to make everything go in fast motion.
Tomorrow we are up to our third weigh in.
So far I have lost a kilo a week, but I had a sneaky peak this morning and the numbers I saw indicated that this week will not be another kilo week.

I can hardly cry “why oh, why?” knowing what I know.

I did mention earlier, Saturday was shaping up to be another of my SSSs!
SUPER SHOCKER SATURDAYs!!!
(say it in a booming, ominous voice).

The day began well, with my Fitness Blender, beginners bootcamp workout.
This one says I can burn 115-184 calories
Hardly 1000, I know,
but it was still exercise I wouldn’t ever have dreamt of doing on a Saturday morning.

Then we were into it.
It was always going to be a full on day, even after I turned down one invitation in order to attend two other events.
When I say events, well, really they are parties.
At parties I show very little restraint.
Husband suggested I don’t eat.
That way my 1200 calories could be used for drinking.
What fabulous advice, Honey, thanks!

Looking back now, I could have done worse.
We all already know I could have done better!

I know I didn’t eat any of the home-made pizza and fairly nibbled on other things;
things like gourmet salami, pork crackling, giant pieces of black forrest birthday cake….
(Excuse # 1. it would have been rude to say no)
(Excuse # 2. it was my cousin’s 65th)
I didn’t have any cheesecake, only one piece of camembert and no bread.
Phew, I think I’m beginning to show promise.

One little discovery I did happen to make that day:
1 oz Frangelico liquer = 103 calories
1 oz Hazelnuts (21 nuts) = 178 calories.

See, I said I did good!
I did not touch even a single hazelnut!

So, onto the next engagement!
(Goodness, aren’t we popular?)
Brother-in-laws 60th!

The format for this one was finger food and more drinking and lots of standing around chatting.
Oh, the food; the food was delicious;
Mini beef and guiness pies
Vol-au-vents
Prawns
Chicken satays
Fried fish cakes
Dips
Tapenade
and probably things I have forgotten.
Not to mention the bowls of lollies and chocolates, strategically placed around the room.

Oops! I don’t remember a birthday cake.
Was there a birthday cake?

Anyway, obviously I blew it (even further) on the calorie count.

Then Sunday was a rest day.

We did the mushroom and egg ‘Big Sunday Breakkie’ at about lunch time and then
we did the ‘Sweet Potato, Roast Capsicum Pizza with Ricotta’ at approximately 8.30pm and then
we went to bed.

And that was the weekend…..

Needless to say, Monday morning saw me putting even more effort into my ‘breathless flailing about’
on the lounge room floor.
(In case you haven’t read previous posts, ‘breathless flailing about’ = exercise.)
I was hopeless, but at least stuck with the nutrition plan all day.

And today brings us to Tuesday; the day before
WEDNESDAY WEIGH IN!!
DOOM!
(there’s that booming, ominous voice again)

I did my beginners bootcamp this morning with some add-ons from Mish.
Still no burpees… sorry….
We had our banana smoothie breakfast and lunch is a char-grilled broccolini and tomato salad with salmon
(from the recipe index)

Tonight is yet another ‘gathering’.
(sigh…. so popular)
I don’t want to be rash and commit to something unachievable, but I might try to be good
(that thought instantly makes my mouth sad and droop down at the corners)
I said ‘might’!

Oh, scales!
Please be kind to me tomorrow!

All the love in the world,
M

PS: Remember this;
‘Without optimism nothing would ever get done’

Inspiration

INSPIRATION

1. It’s time I began looking after my health
2. I want those skinny white jeans that I bought a size too small to fit me
3. Who wouln’t be inspired by this?
4. I am such a pessimist
5. I just wanna look like her
6. and her
7. I don’t want to have to question what the hell I am seeing in the mirror
8. I am afraid of the scales going up just like the years do
9. There she is again – that skinny girl in the Mesop ad. 
Dare I believe I could actually become a middle aged version of her?
10. I want my sexy legs of 20 years ago to come back
11. When we are old, I want to be able to do fun/active things with my husband
– yes, that’s right, things like pushing him on a swing?
12. I want to eat beneficially/nutritionally/healthily
13. I want to conquer this. I wanna be like Mish!
14. I wanna succeed, so no one can laugh at me…

PS: I’m sorry, I feel like I’ve done nothing but talk about myself.

As week two progresses

Well, it’s Thursday of week two of my
12WBT Odyssey
The weeks seem to be speeding by.
We have already received our menus and exercises for week three!

I feel as though I am getting into the swing of things now.
I have felt an improvement in my ability to exercise although still only making it through half of my Fitness Blender workout.
Yep, that’s right, a huge 15 minutes!
This is one reason I definitely don’t want to train with anyone; not just yet anyway.
Even the thought of pushing myself, or worse still someone else pushing me is enough to get my heart racing in fear.

It brings back bad memories of aerobics classes of the 1980s
OMG, the burn!
And the ‘push! push! push! breathe! breathe! breathe!
ONE MORE SET EVERYONE!
Squeeze!       Squeeze!       Squeeze!,
Count it out 9! 8! 7! 6! 5!
KEEP  GOING!’
The burning thigh muscles, the burning calf muscles, the burning glutes and the burning abs.
And I only weighed about 50kg then!
I just couldn’t endure that again and the breathlessness, caused probably by those 15 or so years of smoking
and many years of living a languid lifestyle, where ‘exercise’ consisted of basically a ‘wander’ down to the river.

Well, when I say ‘couldn’t endure’ I mean that at this point my 15 minute flailing, breathless performance
is not worth taking public.
Perhaps I will get there one day, but at this stage, I have set myself a goal of completing my 30 minute Fitness Blender ‘routine’ fearlessly, not breathlessly, by the end of the 12WBT.
But watch this space, because I might even aim higher than that.

OK, so that’s where I’m at, or should I say not at, with the exercise.

The starvation food is becoming less of an issue.
I have been cooking some absolutely superb meals exactly as the recipes say.


My husband has raved about the food too.


It is a very pleasant change not to have to surf the web every day looking for something yummy for dinner, write out shopping lists, then end up with a shopping trolley half full of things I hadn’t intended buying.

The one thing that I have not been able to let go of is my ‘daily shopping’ routine.
The first week, I diligently took the printable shopping list to Woolies and commenced loading up my trolley with a mountain of fresh vegetables.
All those vegetables really started to make me panic. A sweet little basket-full I can handle, but a whole shopping trolley?
Unlike some of my counterparts, I didn’t feel proud and wholesome. I felt silly and embarrassed and really it was a bit silly because by the time I needed to use some of this greenery, it would be past its use by date.
It also wouldn’t really fit in our fridge.
So I put some back.

I must say, it was convenient to have a fridge full of food
(as opposed the the empty fridge we usually have, bar a half empty jar of  lemon butter and some rotting things in tupperware containers).
I could just choose what I wanted to cook and voila!
There were the ingredients, just like I was on Masterchef.
I felt like a ‘real’ housewife (I’m sure that’s what it must feel like).

Sadly I have returned to my ‘daily shopping’ routine.
I still cook from the menus; only I buy what I need each day.
And I don’t mind that I have to stop in at the shops everyday on the way home, because I have already done my exercises first thing in the morning, so that part of my routine is still comfortingly the same
🙂

So yesterday was ‘Weigh-in-Wednesday’.
I had lost another kilo!
That was even with my ‘SSS’
‘Super Shocker Saturday’
which I spoke about a couple of days ago.

I have read and do believe that in reality, one kilo could be considered a fluctuation,
especially considering that on Monday I was up 500g on my last weigh-in.
However, I have maintained this reduction since Tuesday.
Go figure.
Monday I was up 500g, Tuesday I was down 1.1kg and Wednesday saw me come in one kilo under last Wednesday’s weight.
“Phew!”
is all I can say.

I have been pretty diligent about the food and snacks and I have been drinking about three litres of water a day.
And I have been thinking thin!
And then there’s the girly issues that everyone talks about that may have had a positive effect on this occassion.

Anyway, my goal is to be as good as I can and see if I can lose another KG.
I have another SSS this Saturday and it’s not the kind Mish encourages.
Sigh….

So things change slowly.
But slowly they improve.

My improvements to date are:
1. I have the beginnings of strength in my core.
(I now have some kind of muscles that make the sucking in of my stomach just a little more effective)
2. I have not touched chocolate!
3. I can now do three sets of Mish’s double crunches
4. I can feel muscles in my arms, legs and stomach (they hurt)
5. I now ‘binge’ on pistachios

And these are the things that need my attention:
1. Bed time – still too late
2. Alcohol – still drinking (but a little less than before)
3. Burpees – what can I say. I’m just not ready for burpees…
4. Saturdays – I’m too much of a party girl…
(but I will do my regular breathless flailing for 15-30 minutes at some point before the partying begins)

PS: I’m sorry, I feel like I’ve done nothing but talk about myself.

Oh, one last thing:

Last night I decided to hold a little pity party all for myself (I was tired and lonely) and I began thinking this was all a waste of time and I was having all these negative thoughts that were just so… negative:

I want to give up.
I’m not good enough.
Who cares if I’m fat.
Nobody cares about me…
Blah, blah, blah.

Then I did something weird.
I got out the measuring tape and measured one of my thighs and it was 1cm smaller than when I last measured
and then I felt better and all the negativity mentioned above disappeared.
Then I went to bed…..
(LATE!)

500-optimism-cartoon_large

All the love in the world…
M

Choices

Today I realised that making the right choices is very important.
I can shape my destiny!
I can achieve good outcomes or I can create not so good ones!

Actually I wish I had realised it last night, when I chose to watch that thing about the Rolling Stones
instead of turning the TV off and washing the dishes and organising lunches for Monday.

Yeah, at my age!
I have finally received the revelation about choosing good over evil, healthy over unhealthy, smart over dumb,
organised over disorganised, kind over mean…
I think you get the idea
🙂

So then I began to look back at choices I have made in my life and how the outcomes were clear indicators of whether I had made the right choice or the wrong choice.

Then I chose to go to my happy place!

‘Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards’ as my good friend Soren Kierkegaard would say.
I know, totally meaningful, hey. You can use it if you want.

So, on to those choices.

First thing this morning at precisely eight minutes before six, when the alarm went off, I was faced with a choice.
Because of my bad choice last night, I had gone to bed half an hour late.
So choosing to do right this morning was hampered by bad choice of last night.

It was difficult.

I was already awake, but my ‘bad choice’ voice was telling me to sleep another half an hour.
‘Good choice’ voice was saying “you’re already awake, idiot! Get up!”
Bad choice voice replies “you haven’t had eight hours sleep and exercising wouldn’t be good for you right now”.
Good choice voice says nothing.
Bad choice voice is also silent.
I begin to nod off…

Then I’m up!

Rummaging through the drawer looking for my ‘workout’ tights.
Can’t find them.
Bad choice voice says “wear those long, hot ones” (hot as in hot, not sexy)
Good choice voice is all confused.
Bad choice voice says
“Just wear undies, no not those ones, the bigger ones, the red ones, no the grey ones….. no! Wear shorts!”
Where are those tights?
Where has my husband put them?
Good choice voice says “wear WHATEVER, just hurry up!”

So, roughly eight minutes later I am there, on my yoga mat, ready to commence my routine.
Bad choice says “you need a glass of water first”.
I say “Shutup! The robot/terminator man is about to start skipping.”
(and I had already had one glass of water)
I’ve chosen not to skip, but have taken the’ jogging on the spot’ option.
I think this is the only choice for me at my current fitness level.
How can you skip and hold bouncy things so they don’t bounce?
Oh, there’s another questionable choice.
Maybe a bra would be a good choice.
Maybe not sharing this information with the world would be an even better choice.

Anway, the struggle continues throught the workout.
Bad choice voice “Just do two sets – three will kill you”
Good choice voice “Do two this round – then do another set next round”
Bad choice voice “Give up now. It’s unhealthy to be panting this much”
Good choice voice “Remember your goals, remember your reasons”

And then I JFDI anyway!

Breakfast – more choices.
Husband “Do you want mango on your untoasted museli or should we stick to the apple”
Me “ummmm, errrr, well the mango needs to be eaten”
(probably not the best choice)
Note to self:
Check calories in half a mango when I get to work.

Then this:
Bad choice voice “Hey why don’t you weigh yourself? Even though you did just slightly less than ZERO to stick to the 12WBT on the weekend, I bet you’ve lost weight”
Good choice voice “Yeah, good idea – you need a wakeup call”
(actually I’m not sure who said what here)

Yep – gained 500g.

That was when I realised I had some serious choices to make about this week.

There are plenty of things I can do to help myself,
IF I SO CHOOSE!

The ‘alcohol calories’ must be eliminated (OK, reduced) this week.

More sleep/earlier nights are needed, so no TV!
(easy choice!)

Then there is the morning latte made with full cream milk.
But, hmmmm, we’ll see if the other two choices work first.
C’mon, two outta three is better than nothing! (spoken in a whiney voice)

I heard this song this morning.
Now I can’t stop chanting over and over:
And my heart says “Fire it up”
And my soul says “Fire it up”
And my mind says “Fire it up”
And everybody says “Fire it up”
(I know, they’re not even the right lyrics but I’m pretty ‘fired up’ anyway!)

Gosh! Look how old he is now.
I bet he made some bad choices in his life, but I guess as long as the good outweigh the bad, you’re on the right track.
Hey, yeah, I might make that my motto.

PS: I think listening to loud, inspirational music whilst exercising is a good way to drown out those voices.

Signing out…
🙂
M